I have an anger problem

So we've been trying to make wedding plans these past few days, and let me go ahead and say I have yet to find the fun in wedding planning. I'm sure I'll enjoy it more when I'm shopping for dresses and thinking of reception decor, but finding venues and getting a date nailed down is maddening.

Couple that with some really crappy drivers I encountered this morning, and Monday did not start well.

And then I saw this. And it made me spit out my coffee. (Please for the love of all things modern, go check out that link. It is so worth the five seconds of your time that it will take.)

Also, this is really adorable too.

Happy Monday, Modern Friends.

P.S. The Tumblr wedding blog thing turned out to be less than ideal, so the Modern Love Machine and I started an actual blog under -- wait for it -- OUR REAL NAMES (GASP!!!). If you want to keep up with it, e-mail me at themoderngal(at)gmail(dot)com for the URL. I shall not be linking to it from here as I've managed to keep my real identity separate from this blog for two and a half years, and I don't intend to blow it now.

I fall in love whenever we meet

Holy crap, you guys. I knew there was lots of excitement to be had when you get engaged, but my goodness, I can't keep up with the outpouring of excitement in person, on the phone, on Facebook and here at the ol' MG blog. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your kind wishes. I cannot begin to express how much it means to me and the Modern Love Machine.

So only one person got the "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" reference? Shame, you should all go rent that movie (or see a production of it). It is slapsticktastically hilarious.

Sorry about the whole bait-and-switch approach to the last post. I just really wanted it to be a surprise. The MLM and I had discussed the whole idea of marriage a little while back, so I knew an engagement was coming, I just didn't know when. And believe me when I say IT WAS KILLING ME NOT TO TELL YOU GUYS. I have been in agony over what to write in the past couple of weeks, because all I wanted to do was share the news. But I also didn't want to get ahead of myself.

So yeah, after we grabbed lunch from one of my favorite local restaurants and got some treats at the local farmers market (complete with running into some friends of ours), we took the Modern Pooches to a very beautiful local park where anyone who either runs or has a dog or runs with a dog goes. It's very scenic, right on the river and somewhere where the MLM and I went for like our third outing together 10ish months ago (and with our dogs). He claims he usually scares the gals away after three outings, so he knew things were good at that point.

We were strolling along the path by the river, talking about how absolutely beautiful the day was and how nice it was for the doggies to get to play outside and how successfulish the triathlon was. I had been pulled a little in front of him by the Lucydog (or I thought that was the case), when he said he knew something that would make the day even better. I thought he wanted to go buy some gelato, because gelato makes every day better. Instead I turned around to find him on one knee with a ring and a grin on his face.

So there's the real story, and I could not be more excited. The practical Modern Gal would wonder if getting engaged after 10 months of dating is too fast. I used to balk at the phrase "when it's right, you'll know," because as Whitney Houston put it best, "How will I know??"

Time out for a message from drug-free Whitney Houston.



Well, Whitney, I can honestly say that after surviving the roller coaster of relationships I've been through in the past, oh, 13 years or so, I know this one is different. And right. Every fiber of me has been happy since he's been in my life, and apparently it shows because people seem to notice. I am completely able to be myself with him -- and he loves me for just who I am -- and I'm a better person with him in my life. I used to wonder if I was even meant to be married, but I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life, so again, it's right.

And to answer all the questions that seem to be the standard when you tell people you've gotten engaged: we're aiming for June or July of next year, we'll get married in Memphis (because it's an awesomely fun city) and that's about all I know. The MLM is really, really excited about planning a wedding. Seriously. He's even got our colors picked out: green and purple, although I might have something to say about that.

I will go ahead and let you know that I likely won't be talking much about planning the wedding here. I don't want wedding planning to consume me or my blog, so I'm just going to keep the bulk of it off (unless something happens that's just so ridiculous, it's worth a good post here). But if you're interested in this sort of thing, I've rejiggered my Tumblr blog to share everything blog related, and you can find the link to it here (and it's a work in progress).

Once again, thank you friends for all the love!!

A funny thing happened on the way to the triathlon*

*Props to anyone who gets the reference in that post title.

Like a triathlon, this post requires endurance. I promise it's worth it to get to the end.

Having successfully swum, biked and run as much as I could in the past two weeks, I woke up this morning pumped to complete the triathlon I'd registered for two weeks ago. I knew it wasn't the best idea I'd ever had -- doing a triathlon on only two weeks of training -- but my primary goal was to finish. Sure, I would have loved to have beat my time from last year, but finishing seemed like the smarter priority.



Well, the first thing that went wrong was my contacts. I had gone to see my optometrist on Monday because I needed new contacts, and he talked me into trying disposable (as in wear once and then dispose) contacts because I wear them so infrequently. He gave me 10 pairs to try out, and I tried them out twice this week. Of course today was the day one decided to malfunction by rolling all the way to the top of my eye rather than staying put. As my friend Currer Bell said, I was a tricyclops.

Then, when we got to the aquatics center where the swim portion was being held, we discovered that the swim would be held in the outdoor pool, despite the fact that the informational e-mail said the indoor pool and despite the fact that the National Weather Service said it was between 44 and 49 degrees. We stood out on the outdoor pool deck in our bathing suits -- in 44- to 49-degree weather -- for 30 minutes before jumping into a pool that was probably not much warmer than the air.

I survived the swim (mainly because motion = warmer body) and got on the bike. Lovely, I love being on my bike and was very familiar with most of the course as it's one of the places I do my long training rides. Except that I hadn't really scoped out the end of the circuit (on which we did two laps). Yeah, HILL OF DEATH. DEATH!! Don't take my word for it, though. Take the gmap pedometer elevation map of the hill's word for it:

HILL OF DEATH, it ain't messin' around.

So, I did make it up the HILL OF DEATH twice thanks to help from my bike's lowest gear, which meant it was time for the run. I actually ended up running more of this bit than I expected, which is to say I was able to run down the hills and in the flat areas. But the first chunk of the course was super-hill, so I ended up walking everything that was uphill. The nice thing was the last mile or so was fairly flat, so I was able to run that. Until I was about a third of a mile away and running on a sidewalk where I caught my toe in a groove on the sidewalk (I'm nothing if not ungraceful). And I fell hard. Fortunately I fell into grass, so I didn't hurt anything but my pride, which after 400 meters of swimming, 6 miles of biking and about 2.7 miles of running was enough to have me in tears. Which is not good when you need more oxygen than you usually require to function.

I got back up and started running again, gasping for every breath and tears fogging my sunglasses. I stumbled up the last hill and across the finish line, into the arms of the Modern Love Machine, who took photographic evidence of myself in this state (I'll delete those the first chance I get.)

So yeah, I survived, despite the universe's best efforts. I haven't seen my official chip time, but the MLM has estimated it at somewhere around an hour 20 minutes, which isn't fast by any means, but it's good enough for this race.

Oh, and then a few hours later the Modern Love Machine asked me to marry him. And I said yes. (duh)**

And the contact stuck at the top of my eye popped back out after I took a shower. So yay for that too.

**Another story for another post.

Above average

I've been out of high school for 10 years and college for nearly six, and I'm starting to notice through Facebook that people I knew in high school who got married straight outta college are starting to get divorced. Yes, we're there, folks. We made it through the stage where everybody got married, then the stage where people started having babies (I have several friends who are on their second child/pregnancies -- mazel tov!). And now people are starting to get divorced. (And here I am, the unmarried, unmotherly nonconformist :)

I just Googled 'average length of marriage.' Fun fact: when you start typing in 'average length of ...' in the Google box, the first four suggestions in order are: intercourse, marriage, menstrual cycle and college football game. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you America. Anyway, the Google couldn't give me a straight answer. I saw everything from seven years to 24 years as the average length of marriage.

The Modern Parents celebrated their 30th yesterday. So even if 24 is the real average length of marriage, they're still above average. And they are.

I laughed when the Modern Mom told me what they were doing yesterday to celebrate: The Modern Dad had to work late so he just requested some of the MM's Weight Watchers-recipe taco soup. He wanted to save his calories for when they go out to celebrate at their favorite Italian restaurant later in the week. She surprised him anyway with his favorite dessert, a chocolate pie. Pearls weren't the gift of choice, as is the traditional suggestion. Instead, they got a new mattress a few weeks ago. Heh.

I neglected to ask either of them yesterday what it's taken to get them here. The MD has said before that having things in common is a way better gig than opposites attract, and they do enjoy many of the same activities like reading, traveling and watching sports (gee, where do I get it from?). I imagine they'd also say hard work, a good sense of humor and lots and lots of tolerance.

Guest post: Always a bridesmaid…and other wedding shenanigans

Note from The MG: Modern Angie is one of my best sources of information here at The Modern Gal. She is an expert in many fields, first and foremost the field of being a bridesmaid and has a guest post on the subject.

(*author’s note: I am not bitter or cynical. Just remember, I had something wedding-related, be it a shower, party, or wedding, every month since November 2007. Yes, really.)

If I had a dollar for every time someone said I reminded them of Katherine Heigl’s character in 27 Dresses…well, I’d probably have enough to at least pay for one of seven bridesmaids dresses I have protruding from my closest.

Since February of 2008, I’ve been a part of 10 weddings. I’ve been a reader once, a program attendant twice and a bridesmaid seven times. At first it was fun. It was new. And it was exciting.

And then about three weddings in, I was done with it. If I heard “Canon in D” one more time, smelled one more hydrangea or ate one more piece of buttercream-frosted wedding cake I was going to poke my eyes out with my bouquet.

At one point, they all just kind of ran together. But looking back on it now that I am done and don’t have as much as one wedding shower ahead of me, I see that all of the weddings had their own special touch. Something that made each of them unique, made them stand out and made them memorable.

Here is a random list, in no particular order, of some things I’ve learned or observed in the last 18 months of Bridesmaid Bliss.

1. Fall was my favorite time of the year to be in a wedding. I love the coolness of the air and the colors. Taking pictures outside in the dead of summer in a floor length dress is just not fun. Makeup sweats off and hair frizzes!

2. One time early on during a reception, the sash to my dress fell in the toilet as I was using the bathroom. Only me.

3. Every single wedding I was in, I brought the same pair of cheap Target flats to change in to the second I got to the reception location. I will never master walking in heals.

4. PHOTOGRAPHERS KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. They are in this business for a reason. I always got so annoyed when another member of the wedding party would try to tell them how to do their job.

5. Of the seven dress, I kept three. Two were perfect as-is, and one was altered to be shorter.

6. DO NOT LOCK YOUR KNEES. I had a bad habit of this. I always shifted my legs during a prayer. And it obviously worked, because I never once passed out.

7. I don’t quite understand the appeal of paying extra money to have your napkins monogrammed. I mean seriously? They wipe cake from your mouth and go in the trash. Not necessary.

8. The last 5 or so minutes before it was time to walk down the aisle was the biggest rush of every kind of emotion.

9. One wedding I was in had a few real-life wedding crashers: students from a local college looking for a free pre-game.

10. I never caught the bouquet. I mean you would have thought at least once, right?!

All that being said, it really is an honor that of all the people she has met along the way, the bride wants you to be a part of the most important day of her life. And while my bank account and social calendar may be smiling more now than before, I wouldn’t trade my experience for anything.

Wedding crashers

As we all know, when you make plans in life, life often has other plans for you. Such was the case for me this weekend.

I had been planning for weeks -- well really years, I guess -- to travel again to Memphis this weekend, this time to see a dear friend of mine from childhood be ordained a Catholic priest. A very big deal as the Catholic church is obviously in need of some good, young priests and my friend had been preparing for some time for this big day.

Alas, I realized by Tuesday that I might not physically make it to Memphis. With back-to-back long weekends in Memphis and San Francisco which included the 24 hours of traveling it took to get to and from those two places, my body was about to give up on me -- my brain more or less already had -- and I couldn't find anyone who was interested in making the trip with me. I was torn, but I knew I had to make the decision to stay put in Knoxville for the weekend for my own health. And it would give me a chance to get my life sort of back on track after being gone so much. The plan was to wash clothes, cook meals, sign the lease on the house and just take a breather.

Heh.

On Wednesday, another good childhood buddy came to Knoxville for an extended weekend of wedding festivities of a high school classmate of ours, with whom I was also friends. We had plans even while I was still anticipating driving to Memphis to get dinner on Wednesday night. Dinner Wednesday night turned into participation in some of the subsequent wedding week partying after I decided not to go to Memphis. Before I knew it, I too was invited to the wedding.

There ended up being five or six guys in attendance for the wedding whom I knew really well in high school. I was in many, many classes with them, we did band together and I even worked with one of them. To a teenage girl, they were your typical high school boys: weird but funny, also awkward and (some of them) only manageable in small doses.

Well, guess what. They grow up. They're still weird and funny but not nearly as awkward as they once were and much more enjoyable in longer doses. We had a blast, and it made me actually want to go to my high school reunion which will be looming over my head in about a year.

And as an added bonus, the wedding photographer just happened to be the Modern Fella, who makes his living making photographs (though for more than just weddings). He ended up hanging out for all the festivities. Having not seen him much in the past few weeks, it was good to be around him even if he was working most of the time.

The wedding was outside and very, very laid-back -- well suited for the bride and groom, who met while playing ultimate frisbee. Also well suited for some ultimate frisbeeing before and after the ceremony, which was performed by a friend of theirs who had gotten ordained via the internet. If the frisbee wasn't enough, there was also a slip-n-slide, provided by the father of the groom. The bride, groom, parents of the happy couple and friends all took turns racing each other down the slide.

And I can say this much: if you're going to crash a wedding, you might as well crash one that involves frisbee and slip-n-sliding, amiright?

The groom (left) and his father racing down the slip-n-slide.

Happy long weekend

I'm off, Modern Friends, for a four-day weekend in Memphis where I will participate in the wedding festivities of my 51-year-old uncle (his first marriage). As Modern Roxy mentioned yesterday, this should be the subject of a reality show. My uncle is the youngest of 11 children and most of them and many of their spouses and children will be there to witness. And he's marrying a woman who's got (I think) nearly as many siblings. And it's a Catholic wedding. I'm sure there will be stories to tell, so hang tight.

No, this gnome will not be there, however I feel this photo conveys just how crazy the weekend will be.

Have a lovely Memorial Day weekend if I don't catch up with you sooner.

Because I couldn't have said it better myself.

Noelle Tannenbaum has alerted our little corner of the blogworld that it's National Singles Week. I would write my own drawn-out post about it, but she makes so many wonderful points that I think you should just read her post. And the article she linked to.

I will be celebrating. Yes, I'm well aware that I'm in a relationship with The Modern Beau, thus making me not single. Really, we are single because if I try to combine my income tax return with his I'm pretty sure the government will put its collective foot down on that. We've been dating for nearly five years now, and I'm completely OK with the fact that we're not married. We're having a hell of a time just being right now. We've seen several friends marry into an unhappy relationship, and the MB will probably be the first to tell you that the MG needs her alone time like Ben needs Jerry. Sure, we'll probably end up getting married at some point and when we do we'll throw a hell of a party. But for now, we've got a wonderful thing and I'd never want for more.

My favorite point in the article is this: Single people are shorted on the 1,136 federal benefits, protections, and privileges that are available only to people who are legally married. Seriously, that sucks. Also, I appreciate the point that "alone doesn't mean lonely."

Now don't take this as judgment of those of you whom are married. I do still want to have my own family at some point, so I'm not rejecting marriage and family. Those of you I keep up with seem to be very happy which means you did marriage the right way. Unfortunately, there are so many of your peers who didn't take the time to make the right decision.

One last thing. I'm going to preempt Vanessa and mention the QuirkyAlone movement, which promotes the notion that individuals shouldn't be in a relationship for the sake of it.

What makes an ideal husband

Maureen Dowd, whose columns are at times entertaining for her hatred of all sides of the political game covered a different topic Sunday. She took a stab at what makes an ideal husband with the help of a 79-year-old Catholic priest who has spent much of his life offering marriage counseling.

It's a good read -- especially the punchline at the end -- which I tend to agree with. I'm sure the modern guys will have something to say about this.

Shower games for the modern bride

Real Simple has some suggestions for games to play for wedding showers to replace those dreaded (not to mention wasteful) dress-the-bride-up-in-a-toilet-paper-wedding-dress ordeals.
These activities on their own aren't that inventive, but they'd certainly be novel at a shower: darts, poker, karaoke and fortune telling. You might get some great stories out of some of them -- better than anything toilet-paper related. I would hope, anyway.

And if you're really adventurous, I say try them out at a baby shower.

Back, but not completely

I've got a few good things to share with you all soon, but I am still trying to get caught up on my life after spending the weekend out of town, getting the bff hitched (which did happen and it was beautiful). I've got laundry to do, food to buy and cook, a blog reader to whittle down and must pack for my next adventure.

I just wanted to say hi to everyone first and apologize for not blogging for the past few days. I had all sorts of grandiose plans to squeeze some posts out in between bridesmaid luncheons and rehearsal dinners and such, but that obviously didn't happen. I was having too much fun in the real world. So much for the NaBloPoMo April '08.

But, in a nutshell, here's how the weekend went in bullet point presentation in honor of the Modern Beau who says when he and I get married, we'll have a Power Point presentation rather than the standard slideshow of growing-up pictures. We'll see about that, I say.

• Fellow bridesmaid MCG and her mother, who hosted the bridesmaid luncheon, introduced the rest of us to the Victorian charm cake tradition. Kinda like those baby shower cakes with the babies baked inside, except each charm is different. I pulled an envelope with a heart-shaped letter that said "I love you," which apparently means I have love in my future. MCG, a very talented artist and jewelry maker, then added the charms to necklaces for each of us. You should visit her website and buy some of her stuff.
• Speaking of food, the rehersal dinner food involved steak sliders. Yes, sliders. The wedding reception included a fajita bar.
• I drank way too much Friday night and paid for it all Saturday morning with a classic Modern Gal hangover. It kept me from drinking more than one beer at the wedding.
• I actually cried as the bff came up the aisle. I haven't cried at a wedding in probably three years.
• I obtained my third bouquet. I say obtained because I didn't catch it, the bride handed it to me. I don't think the Modern Beau minded since it's an improvement over me running away from the bouquet, which I've done many times over. Obtaining the bouquet hasn't done anything for me yet anyway. Of course the previous two I caught fell right into my hands, either by hitting my nose first or because the bride took dead aim at me

That's it for now. Some healthy eating tips and green clothing coming soon!

Perhaps I overreacted?

I've had two people message me off blog asking me how much I paid for my alterations. Perhaps I overreacted a bit since the average guess was $157.29, and the alteration came in significantly lower than that at $81. I will say this: The detailing that was shown on the straps of the dress in the picture doesn't actually exist on my dress. It's just one piece of fabric, therefore needing only the seam to be separated, trimmed and reattached.

But I'm judging from some of y'all's responses that this is still a smidge overpriced, yes? I guess next time I'll ask before I alter.

I've posted individual responses to all of your comments from yesterday in the original post, if you're interested. Thanks for all the modern love. I feel some David Bowie coming on.

The cost of being a bridesmaid

When my bff asked me to be her maid of honor a while back, I gleefully agreed but also prepared myself for all the expenses that come with being a bridesmaid.

I was prepared for the $200+ dress I'd be buying to wear once and likely never again.
I was prepared for the $300 or so I invested into the bachelorette party.
I was prepared for the $250 or so I'd be putting towards hotel rooms.
I was prepared for the $100 or however much I ended up spending on a gift.

What I was not prepared for was the cost of the alterations. I guess I've never really paid for dress alterations before. The first wedding I was in some ten years ago was a family wedding and I was still in high school, so my mom paid for the three rounds of adjustments we had to go through. Two years ago, my cousin opted to allow her 'maids to buy a J.Crew bridesmaid dress, and since J.Crew makes stuff people actually wear, I was able to get one that fit me on the first try. (And since cousin opted for a black dress, I've been able to wear said dress at least three times since . Brides to be, take note.)

Mind you, I'm not complaining about the bride AT ALL. She's been wonderfully aloof about the whole planning a wedding process and very much the opposite of a bridezilla, for which I love her even more. And if she got divorced immediately and decided to do it all again the next day, I probably would go along with it, though I might have to take out a home equity loan.
Sadly, yellow roses do not follow me around when I wear this dress.

The dress is extremely tailored to fit around the waist, which basically makes it impossible to get the right size since it's not made-to-order. When I got mine in, I basically had a dress that was ever so snug in the rear and waist but left enough room in the boob area to hold my extra tennis balls during a tennis match. And way too long for someone who's 5'3".

So, I took it to the seamstress, who said she could adjust, though it would take until FOUR DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING, therefore leaving no room for error. I tried it on, she clucked over it. Decided to hem it and shorten the shoulder straps. We were done. Here's the claim ticket. I didn't think to ask for the price, but getting my pants hemmed never cost more than like $20, so I wasn't worried about a dress hemming and a strap shortening. Plus, I really, really was in a time crunch.

I picked it up today. Guess how much. Seriously. Guess.

What to give the best friend when she gets married?

I'm two weeks away from the bff's wedding, and it occured to me that the the Modern Beau and I hadn't bought her and her fiance a gift. This is the gal who isn't the bachelorette/bride type. She (and her to-be-husband) aren't much the domestic type either. I perused her registries the other day and they had all your typical wedding registry fare: china, kitchen gadgets and linens, none of which really seem like a good gift for these two.

I mentioned we needed to get something to the Modern Beau, who like me is a member of the wedding party having been friends with the groom before meeting the bride, and he had sort of the same reaction, but put it more eloquently: "Wow, this is a really high-pressure gift." These are two of our best friends, a place setting of china just doesn't seem significant enough.

So what do we get them? We went to Bed, Bath and Beyond today and mulled these two options, neither of which are on their registry: an ice cream maker and an 80-quart rolling cooler (the, or at least the groom likes to grill). Any other suggestions?

The cost of an unhappy marriage

There's a notion that married people are healthier than unmarried people, though the Modern Gal has thought it bunk for some time after observing some of her married friends.

Well, according to a new (but preliminary) study, it's true in the cases of happy marriages. But when the marriage is unhappy, you're better off being single. How logical.

Thanks to modern gal Noodles for pointing out the story, saying it's "another reason why no MG should ever settle."

True words.

A bachelorette party for the atypical bachelorette

Ok, The Modern Gal is up a creek without the proverbial paddle as she tries to plan a bachelorette party for her all-time best friend who is also the quintessential designated driver. That is, she really doesn't ever drink and is your typical good girl.

Having attended plenty of raunchy drunken b-parties in her time, The Modern Gal turned to the internets for ideas on how to plan a more low-key ideas and found this pretty funny Bachelorette Party Guide, which prompts you to navigate the site by "type of bride."

Click on "Virgin Bride," and you see what I'm dealing with.
So, I'm turning to my modern peeps to help me out a little here with some ideas on fun (can be slightly raunchy, but let's not go overboard) ideas for a bachelorette party. HELP!