NYC vs. Black, stretchy yoga pants

So, I'm (almost) back from NYC. Just a two-hour layover and 45-minute flight more (a layover should never be longer than the subsequent flight). And y'all, as much as I love New York and any other big city where my company is paying for my food and lodging I'm just ready to be home.

I've pretty much been moving nonstop since I left Knoxville at 5 a.m. last Thursday. I worked a few long hours but more importantly I worked some late hours, which has left me with a severe lack of sleep. When you get off work at 2 a.m., don't get into bed until 3, don't fall asleep until 3:30 or 4 and then awake to the sound of the housekeeping staff banging around your floor at 9ish every. single. day., then your sleeping hours tend to suffer.

Add to that I found it necessary to be on the go every single second that I was not sleeping or working just to be sure I didn't miss any little chance to see someone or something -- anything -- in a city that I can't afford to visit on a regular basis, well, let's just say my brain is tired, my glutes are sore and my shoulders ache.

Grand Central Terminal. More NYC photos to come

And while I was constantly on the go and doing quite a lot of people watching, I noticed something that makes me realize that despite my love for good public transit (Gawd I love subway systems), tasty and diverse food, an amazingly regal library, museums and shopping! -- yes shopping with an !, I realized exactly why I can never live in NY, besides the fact that I couldn't comfortably live there on my salary anyway.

Black, stretchy yoga pants or rather the lack thereof.

'But!' you say, 'You can buy black, stretchy yoga pants on nearly every corner in SoHo! What's the problem?!?'

Keep up here: I am a woman who loves her lounging. On my days off, odds are I'm in the black, stretchy yoga pants that were part of the sorority girl uniform (with New Balances and North Face jackets) when I was in college. And yes, I even dare to wear those pants out in public to places that don't involve downward-facing dogs. In fact, so do most other women of comparable age or social standing.

That's not the case in NY.

'But!' you might say, 'Those leggings that EVERY SINGLE PERSON is wearing as pants in NY are pretty dang close to black, stretchy pants.'

Not quite so when they're paired with high-heeled boots and fancy sweaters and a fancy hairstyle.

My point is that NY doesn't rest. At all. Ever. And neither do most people who live there. Sure, they have apartments that I don't see while I'm hoofing down 34th Street, but those apartments are small and not the kind of places you lounge for extended periods of time. But running to the corner to get a cup of coffee never seems to be done in black, stretchy pants. No, because running to the corner probably involves a train ride in between and a few more blocks of walking, so while you're at it you might as well dress yourself properly because while you're out you might stop at a dozen other places.

I love it, to an extent. But I need my lounge time too. And my black, stretchy yoga pants.

Which is why I'm not bothered by the fact that after eight days in NYC, I get to return home to Knoxville. This is much to my surprise, because usually when I go to visit lovely large cities like Chicago or San Francisco, I loathe leaving. But no, I'm ready for Knoxville. Where I can lounge in my black, stretchy pants. Which I will eventually do in that house that I'm in the process of buying.

Oh, I forgot to tell you I'm under contract on a house? In due time, in due time. First, I must sleep. For about a week.

A post about pants

Memphis has a golf tournament each year benefiting St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, and I always follow this particular tournament because, well, Memphis. Growing up there the golf tournament sorta seemed like one of the unofficial marks to the start of summer.

This year held my interest a little bit more because 1. Phil Mickelson was returning after taking a couple of weeks off from the tour after learning his wife has breast cancer. I love the Mick, for reasons I'm not sure of. I just do. And, 2. John Daly, hometown boy done not so good. Daly was returning too after taking six months off thanks to a suspension from the PGA for basically being his ridiculous self. It was the perfect ying and yang golfing lineup.

All you really need to know about the actual golf action is Brian Gay won and Mickelson and Daly tied for 59th at 1 over. Crazy, huh?

But after the first day, I'd sorta lost interest in the standings. Please watch this video to find out why, but go ahead and skip to the 55-second mark.



That would be John Daly's pants.

Each day, his outfits were more outrageous than the last. Lime green polo paired with kelly green and yellowish lime argyle pants. Canary yellow polo paired with what I've dubbed the "amazing technicolor dreampants" (they were madras). Gold and black argyle.

So awful it surpassed being bad and became wonderful.

If you're interested, here's the company responsible for dressing this man.

Easter Sunday best

I had thought I was going to be on my own on Sunday with a trip back to Memphis to spend the holiday with my family out of the question, but a Modern Friend surprised me by inviting me to church and brunch.

Going to church meant I'd be going to the First Presbyterian Church. You may remember that I'm Catholic, and I was well aware there's one huge difference between Catholics and Protestants, (I mean besides the Pope): Catholics have a hard time dressing up for church for some reason. Presbyterians do not.

Since I was a sorority gal in my previous life, I have an irrational fear of not being dressed appropriately for any given situation. And since I was a sorority gal in my previous life, I keep in my wardrobe at all times at least one or two appropriate outfits for any given situation.

I hadn't stressed about what I was going to wear to mass before my plans changed on Friday night because I had plenty of springy skirts that I could easily pair with a plain shirt and my denim jacket and be totally Easter Sunday-in-a-Catholic-church appropriate. But a quick glance through the closet revealed only three Easter Sunday-in-a-Presbyterian-church-caliber dresses.

Fortunately I had the foresight to try them on on Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately (or I suppose fortunately) with the 27 pounds I've lost in the past 12 months, not a single one fit. I mean, they weren't even close enough to fitting that I could fudge it a bit. Despite my best brainstorming efforts, there was nothing I could do to improvise from what I had on hand. Of course, it's not like I need my arm to be twisted to go shopping.

That was Saturday afternoon around 3 p.m. I had dinner and a movie plans starting around 6 p.m. I had already planned to spend that window buying new eyeglasses. You do the math.

Now, the Modern Mom taught me to do many things well, and near the top of that list is shop under pressure. So after locating and ordering my new eyeglasses at LensCrafters, I had the standard 'about an hour' window to locate a new dress. When shopping on a deadline, you have to know where you can go to have the greatest possibility of success: Old Navy and Gap work for basic staples, J.Crew for sweaters and Dillards for shoes.

There was one store that I knew I could find an Easter Sunday-in-a-Protestant church caliber dress: Ann Taylor. I don't like shopping in Ann Taylor, a fact I was reminded of when the sales associate asked me if I needed a "wardrobing" room to try on the dresses. But wouldn't you know, I was so right about locating church-worthy dresses at Ann Taylor that I found two of them and in a panic bought both with the argument that I'd take one back. Of course I didn't actually mean that. ;)

It was worth it. I don't know if I made the right impression, but I at least didn't get that sick-to-my-stomach feeling that I always get when I'm not dressed appropriately. And church and brunch were lovely as well, much better than my original plan of dining on Dunkin' Donuts for lunch.

Some programming notes

Several Modern Friends have alerted me to things you should all be aware of, so let me pass them on to you:

1. Our boy Paul Rudd is going to be on Letterman tonight. Be there, or be square and focus all of your mental power into hoping he does another sexy dance for us all.
2. Project Runway will indeed see the light of day again and this summer it will be on Lifetime. Get the skinny here. (We'll talk more about this later.)
3. In a cosmic aligning of the stars, basketball season ends tonight with the NCAA championship and baseball season begins all at the same time today. My head is going to explode. (Yes, I know baseball began yesterday for some of you, but it doesn't count in my world 'til my beloved Cardinals play.)

That is all for now.

Hats off to Aretha

I hadn't really gotten excited about the inauguration until I turned on the TV this morning to see the inaugural motorcade plowing through the streets of Washington with throngs of Americans cheering and waving flags. It didn't take long for me to be wrapped up in it.

I don't care who you're for, an inauguration is a very moving event. The pomp and circumstance, the speeches, the music, the cheers. And it's always good to get a fresh start, regardless of who the previous president was.

But in the midst of all this talk about change and hope, there was one thing that inspired The Modern Gal more than anything else:

ARETHA, WHERE DO I GET ME ONE OF THOSE??

And to honor my favorite Queen of Soul, who was in the house today to sing 'My Country 'Tis of Thee,' here's a video that encompasses so many of the things which I love: choreographed dancing, soul music and the Blues Brothers.

Time to set the table

Because I have to work the day before and two days after Thanksgiving, this will be the first time EVAH that I don't get to make the trip to Memphis to celebrate my favorite holiday with my extended family. I'm not going to lie, I'm extremely bummed about it.

My parents, being the wonderful souls they are, are making the trip to spend the holiday with me, which definitely makes the whole Thanksgiving-away-from-Memphis thing about 90% better.

And even though my parents are extremely laid back and only care that we 1. get to have the traditional Thanksgiving Day fixings, 2. Get to watch some football and 3. Go shopping the day after Thanksgiving (ok that one's just for my mom and I), I have this drive to want to make everything about the holiday perfect. There's nothing like the pressure of hosting your first holiday.

My mom and I have already planned out who's cooking what, so I don't have to worry about that until it comes time to do the grocery shopping. Without that to worry about, I had to do something.

So, I did this:Thanksgiving is still two weeks away? Eh, you can never set the table too early. It's not like I ever eat at it anyway.

Jewelry and photography gifts for the modern gal

I'm trying sooooo hard to get ahead on my Christmas shopping and Christmas card sending this year. I know I say that every year, but I really, really, really don't want to feel rushed to do anything for Christmas. After such a hectic fall, I want to use December for a long winter's nap.

I've been eyeing different Etsy shops and local stores where I can find gifts for my friends and family. I noticed just the other day that my friend Mary Clark, who sells homemade jewelry and photography, has a website now.

Go check it out! I've already got a necklace eyed out for a friend of mine and possibly even one for myself ;) Tell her The Modern Gal sent you!

Out with a bang

I nearly had a little Rocktoberfest slip up with some crazy things happening this week, but since today is my day off I'm leaving Rocktoberfest with a bang.

I am resuming my mission to find jeans today. I didn't make it to the Gap outlet last week, so I'm headed there today now that the price of gas has dropped so dramatically. (It's about an hour away). I will not return until I have some appropriately fitted, non butt-flapped jeans to wear.

I did hit my first Weight Watchers goal this week right smack on the dot. I've lost 15 pounds total, something I never, ever, ever, ever thought I could pull off. I managed to do it at a fairly busy time in my life, so I encourage any of you who want to lose a few pounds to try Weight Watchers. If you have questions you don't want to address here, e-mail me and we'll discuss. I just have to set a final goal now, and I'll let y'all know what it is when I do it.

The Modern Beau and I still have not decided what we're going to be for our post-Halloween Halloween party tomorrow night. I do know we're going to go with something that can mostly come from our closet. Y'all had some awesome suggestions on my costume post, and we've got a few ideas now. We'll have something good.

I'm also nearing a decision on a computer. I'm going to do some shopping today and tomorrow, and I think I know what I'm going to do if the shopping doesn't sway my opinion. Thanks everyone for some amazing insight into Mac v. PC. I may make a purchase as early as Monday (I know that's post-Rocktober, but it will be a direct result of Rocktober).

I didn't quite keep up on the Rocktoberfest pledge to discover new music once a week, but I still feel that my Rocktober was much more successful than Sucktember. The good news is tomorrow is November, and the November-December holiday period is my most favorite time of the year.

A bit of shopping indulgence

An aside: Thanks everyone for all the fantastic responses on the Mac v. PC post. You've given me a lot of great info, and I'm going to give them all some serious thought. It's going to be a tough decision, no doubt. I will let you know what I decide!

I've been doing a little too much splurging lately on my wardrobe. I was so good about not spending too much money, but I think the fact that I have so few clothes that actually fit combined with some cute fall fashions pushed me over the edge.

I guess the good news is I've stuck to Target and Gap mostly. The bad news is because their stuff is so cheap, I tend to buy more of it. Anyway, I share with you some of my favorite finds before I quit cold turkey.

Sweater dress from Target. This is what it looks like, but I swear it's not the same dress because mine is neither cashmere nor cost $99.

Turtleneck sweater from The Gap. I dig turtlenecks.

Tunic from Francesca's Collections. This looks so cute over a long sleeve shirt and with boots.

And now for my currentclothing issue: Jeans. I haven't had to buy jeans in a while because I kept my smaller pair when I last moved up a size. Well, now those skinny jeans are a little too baggy, not to mention completely worn out. I went to The Gap the other day, which has always been my jeans standby thanks to the Curvy cut they offer. I'm well-endowed when it comes to the rear end, but my waist has never been proportionate to my back side. The Gap Curvy jeans have always fit like a glove.



So what's the problem? This:



That would be a butt flap, and it's the only option on the standard Gap jean right now. I know they look cute on a lot of people's pants, but The Modern Gal isn't a lot of people. Hello? Too much junk in the trunk. I don't need extra material back there to draw attention. Beyond that, I use my back pockets on a daily basis, so I need instant access.

I'm thinking about making the hour trip up to the really awesome outlet stores to see if The Gap Outlet has any standard, no-flap curvy jeans to offer. I know I said I was quitting cold turkey, but this is of utmost importance.

20sb Vlog Day: Off to the closet in the sky

I was hoping to share with you today news of me reaching my first Weight Watchers goal weight. You get an initial weight and then you get to set your ultimate goal. Fortunately for me, the two aren't terribly different.

My initial goal was to lose 15 pounds. Unfortunately, the weight loss has been slow in the past two weeks thanks to having all kinds of things to keep me busy and well-fed.

My numbers for the past two weeks:
-lost 0.8 pounds last week
-lost 0.4 pounds this week
-minus 14 pounds since the start of Weight Watchers 16 weeks ago
-minus about 17.7 pounds since I started keeping track four and a half months ago.

So basically, I still have one pound to go. Hopefully -- HOPEFULLY -- I can lose that this week. Of course, I said that last week.

I need some motivation. Perhaps a dress check will do the trick. Remember the bridesmaid dress?

And since it's The 20 Something Bloggers' Vlog day, I decided to skip grocery shopping to bring you this dress check in video form. It's my first video, so please forgive the length, poor quality and lack of humor. Really, the only reason to watch is the cameo by The Modern Dog.


The Modern Gal's Vlog Day from The Modern Gal on Vimeo.

A Project Runway postmortem

Have a waited long enough for all of you to catch up on your TiVo picks of the week? Is it safe to talk about Project Runway now? If not, STOP READING and don't say I didn't warn you. I'll try to make my comments as generic as possible.

What did you think about how it played out? Or better yet, did you care?

I think the judges made the right decision. That's not to say I'd actually wear the winner's stuff. I like it because it IS different and it IS innovative (by the way, how bout the fact that half her fabrics are organic? Love it). It's just not my style.

As for the runner up, I'd definitely wear some of her stuff. I loved the colors, especially the featured green color. I love her asthetic. Now there's a word I'd never have used to describe clothing before becoming a PR fan.

And then there was the third-place finisher. I had gained a smidge of sympathy for her by the finale, but not enough to get past her voice and make me want her to win. Some of her stuff was fun, and again, I love the color. But I don't know that I or many people I know would be the kind of dresser to pull off her type of fashion. And the thing about her being a copycat? Um, yeah, she does need to do her research a bit more.

Here's a good review on Gawker that goes into a heck of a lot more detail.

So that's that. I wasn't pulling for anyone particular. I wasn't completely attached or detached from any of them. I guess it's good that the future of PR is uncertain. It could stand to take a break and give people some time to miss it for a while.

Spotted at Anthropologie

Today's Anthropologie e-mail hit me in a moment of weakness today, and I couldn't resist becoming enamored with all the new cold weather accessories.

If anyone wants to buy me this set of accessories (boots especially) as a Rocktoberfest gift, I won't stop you.

Also, I think I belong in this shirt which is named for one of the state songs of my home state.

Shopping for the short set

There were so many useful comments on this post that I wanted to share them again for everyone else to see. The crux of my dilemma is that I've lost enough weight that I've dropped a size in pants, but I hope to lose enough weight in the next month or two that I can drop one more size. I'm short, so most of my pants need hemming, but I didn't want to spend the money.

I did end up finding two very cheap pairs at Old Navy that were short enough that they'll get me by (and I had a coupon for 15% off). But had that not worked, I would have definitely tried some of these options:

• Mel has the same height issue as I do, and she suggested just using safety pins or making a faux hem using a quick X-stitch or two.
• Tutu Girl suggested selling my old pants at a consignment shop (or perhaps eBay) to make a little bit of cash to spend on some new pants.
• Emily suggested using hem tape -- which you should be able to find at any craft store -- which allows you to easily rehem a pair of pants as many times as you need.
• And several others suggested their favorite stores to find cheap pants: Target, Ann Taylor and Old Navy. I'll go ahead and throw Gap in there too.

Who needs pants anyway?

I'm finding losing weight to be mostly a blessing, but it does have its curses too. Like in the pants department.

About a year ago, I conceded to myself that I had to buy some bigger work-appropriate pants because I couldn't squeeze one more moment out of the size I was trying to wear. I made an investment, spending quite a bit of money on some really good pairs and spending some more money on getting some of those pants hemmed because at the size I was wearing a girl is not supposed to be 5-foot-3, according to the fashion industry. I found some really great items that I've lived in for the past year.

Well, of course they're all now fall-off-my-body too big. Sure, I can get them on which is better than what I was dealing with a year ago, but they kind of defeat the purpose of having a better body after losing weight and make me look like I don't know how to clothe myself and that is unacceptable.

So, you'd think that means it's time to go back to wearing the old pants, right? Nope. In an effort to limit the amount of clutter in my life, I of course gave most of them away save a pair of jeans and hot pink J. Crew pants that I couldn't bear to part with. I can only wear those so many times in a row before someone starts to ask why I wear jeans to work so often or man, I must really love pink. (The answer to the second part is no, not really. I just like to wear a bold color every now and then.)

I certainly don't mind shopping for new pants, but I also hope (HOPE) to drop one more pants size before this is all said and done. It took me about 10 weeks to drop one size, so if I keep up my current pace, it doesn't make a lot of sense to spend a lot of money buying pants and getting them hemmed.

I had a 10% off coupon for Target that expired yesterday, so I stopped by the Big Bullseye on the way home hoping to find some pants that would tide me over. I found some that fit, but you know what? Target apparently doesn't believe in petite length pants, unless it's in workout gear, which is pretty much the one style I don't mind extra-long pants. YOU HEAR THAT TARGET? HOW ABOUT SOME LOVE FOR THE SHORT LADIES? I really, really don't want to have to get a pair of Target pants hemmed just to wear them for a couple of months.

I plan on hitting up Old Navy and the Gap armed with coupons this weekend in hope for a little more success, as they often carry the shorter length pants.

Anywho, I didn't do a Weight Watchers post last week because I was uber busy with work and my parents coming to town and ended up breaking completely even on the weigh in -- no gain, no loss.

This week I got a couple of really good runs in. I'm almost to the point where I'm running 2 miles without stopping. It's hard as crap, but I feel so good doing it. I'm thinking about changing my planned 1-mile run in the Race for the Cure in October to a 5K. I may have to walk some of it, but I doubt it would be much.

Anyway, here's my total for this week:
-lost 1.8 pounds this week
-minus 10.8 pounds since the start of Weight Watchers 12 weeks ago
-minus about 14.5 pounds since I started keeping track four months ago.

Knit happens

So the trend du jour that I have been seeing EVERYWHERE in the past couple of weeks is the boyfriend cardigan. Gap has them. Target has them. Anthropologie has them. In fact, they appear to be so popular right now that I'm having a very hard time finding my preferred style of basic fitted cardigan that hits at the waist.

Modern gals, what do you think of this style? I had one five or six years ago when they were last popular and it's actually still hanging in my closet. It was comfortable and the perfect balance between keeping warm but not getting too warm this time of the year.

But now as I look at these cardigans hanging in stores everywhere, I'm having a hard time thinking they're flattering on anyone. What do you think? (I'm not going to judge you one way or the other).

What Not to Wear on a budget

I know those of you who watch What Not to Wear have had a similar reaction as I: "Wow, those sure are some great tips from Stacy and Clinton. Too bad I can't afford to buy those kind of things for myself."

Playful Professional has thought that too as she's watched the show so she came up with her own What Not to Wear rules on a budget. Check them out.

(Thanks, Playful Professional!)

Big red

So I did make a decision on the glasses. After trying on nearly every pair in Lens Crafters, I settled on a pair of red frames.


The frames are practically the same shape as my tortoise shell frames, so I guess it's not to much of a transition. But, you know RED. Because the prescriptions on the two pairs are very similar, I'm going to be alternating between the two pairs as it strikes my fancy.

There were a few frames I liked better, like the two-toned black and turquoise frames and a pair of light green Tiffany and Co. frames, but most of those frames looked horrible on me and the Tiffany frames ... let's just say my company stipend wouldn't have even covered half the price of the frames let alone the lenses.

Jeepers, peepers

I know this is going to be hard to believe, but it takes a team of makeup artists and hairstylists for The Modern Gal to achieve the look you see in the top left corner of this blog. Every other day of the week, The MG is fairly normal looking.

The only especially distinguishing feature God gave me was my shortness, and really I'm not that short. I have brown hair. I have medium-toned skin. I'll never win any beauty contests. No one is going to covet my hair or my nose or any other feature of mine. Well, maybe my butt ... which once upon a time was dubbed a "ghetto booty."

I think the fact that I find nothing interesting about my appearance is why I've become so attached to wearing glasses.

It wasn't an immediate friendship. When one of my middle school teachers -- I think it was seventh or eighth grade -- caught me squinting from the back row to see the chalkboard, she called my parents who then shuffled me off to the optometrist. I hated everything about the process from having a light shined in my eyes down to the big round gold-rimmed glasses I ended up with as a result. I only broke those out when my life depended upon me seeing the chalkboard in class. The rest of the time they stayed in my backpack.

My parents let me try out contacts as a freshman. I was hooked as soon as I could successfully get them in my eyes: I could see and I didn't have to wear my ugly glasses! A string of eye infections my sophomore year and my crazy optometrist telling me he wanted to try a procedure that would plug my tear ducts so that my eyes could handle the daily wear of contacts ended that little experiment. I went back to my wear-glasses-only-when-absolutely-necessary routine.

That was until I discovered the tortoise-shell frames eight years ago. Sure, they're ubiquitous now, but they were something of a novelty then. And it was love at first sight. The shade of the frames complemented my hair and skin and my tendency to dress in earth tones perfectly. The rectangular shape of the frames were just distingushing enough. They said 'kinda nerdy/kinda hip,' which I like to at least pretend I was. They became a part of who I was, so much so that I know I have friends who wouldn't recognize me without them.

Three pairs of tortoise-shell frames later, it seems like everyone and their mother has a pair, which means it's time for me to find a new style. The problem is, choosing new frames stresses me out to no end. Selecting a new car? No sweat. A house? Piece of cake. Glasses? It's like one step away from getting plastic surgery for me.

I stopped by LensCrafters after work today to get an idea of the current selections. I wasn't overly impressed, but am mulling a few distinctly different frames before dragging the Modern Beau back to help me make a decision. Perhaps a two-toned pair with blue trim? A shade of my favorite color? Red? Something with a bit of embellishment?

Seriously, I need help.

Spotted at Target

My home state had a back-to-school tax-free weekend this past weekend and although I was at work for most of it, I did manage to sneak in a little bit of shopping. I tried to temper myself since the discount really doesn't amount to much despite our sales tax being ungodly high.

Really, I only hit up Target, but I found some great stuff. I so wanted to SHOW you all this stuff, but f^@%!#& Blogger is having some widespread image uploading issues (though they've yet to acknowledge it). So, until that's fixed check out the links. UPDATE: Fixed.

I may have bought this grey sweater one size too large because the neckline plunges waaaaay more than is shown on the model (necessitating layering) and it hits me well below my hips. But, I happen to like it this way.

These aren't the exact cropped jeans I bought, but close enough. Mine are a much darker wash and don't hit quite so high at the waist.

This Isaac Mizrahi dress is super-cute in its sorta retro kind of style, though as with all tailored Isaac Mizrahi clothes the fit is really funny. But not so funny that I'm not going to wear it.

Ok. I know this sweatshirt is kind of youngish for me, but it's completely intended to slum around in on the weekends. I love the idea of a short sleeved AND pullover sweatshirt. The print was the least Hollister-ish one I found.

And lastly this t-shirt is much cuter in person than it is on this model. Still, I'm probably going to take it back because I went over on my clothes budget FOR THE WHOLE MONTH in this trip and eliminating this top would put me back within my budget. Plus, I have a whole closet full of green tops. ... Of course they do have this in a plum. Decisions, decisions.

The first rule in communicating with a woman

Modern gals, what is the first rule of communicating with a woman? Unsure? Mull on it a minute while I tell a very short story.

Sunday night, I got called into work and had to meet with some people out in the field (sorry, can't give you any more detail than that ... if that bugs you, ask me about it in an e-mail).

I ended up meeting with these two ladies who live next door to one another in a duplex. They were nice and chatty, so we stood around for a while in the 90-degree heat/90-percent humidity.

I was glad that in my rushed state of having to get ready for work, I decided to grab my thin jersey dress from the Gap that fits in such a way that it allows for plenty of ventilation. I think it's a cute dress -- it's sleeveless, V-neck, ties at an empire waist and flares out from there.

The ladies kept looking at me funnily, not in a mean way, just a curious way. Finally one of them said, "are you pregnant, sweetie?"

Enter mortification here.

Now ladies, what's the first rule in communicating with a woman? If you guessed "never ask her if she's pregnant," you would be correct.

Granted, any empire-waisted clothing item tends to do bad things for your belly's appearance, no matter how many pounds you've lost. Still, I think I'm burning the dress in the first fire of the cold season.