I'll be there for yooouu

So I had one other request on this post from a while back from the oh-so-ubiquitous anonymous wanting to talk about how to make friends after college. It's a topic that's come up here before, because it certainly isn't easy after college to start over in a new town where you know no one. (By the way, welcome anonymous. Feel free to reveal your online alias, we're all friendly around these parts.)

Certainly I've had my share of starting over after college, having done it in three different cities since I graduated. I can't really count the first city as I was actually returning to a place where I'd done an internship a year prior and already knew tons of people through work. I basically had a ready-made (and wonderful) group of friends.

But I chose to start over again for a better job in a different city. That time was much, much harder. I had two friends through work but certainly was looking for more. Throw in an erratic work schedule, and it seemed impossible. And I tried nearly everything I could think of to make new friends. Three years later, I started over again, this time in the same city as the Modern Beau, which helped but didn't necessarily result in a group of friends.

So here's my secret: I'm really no expert on the matter, and I'm not sure anyone can say they are. That's because every person is different in how they have to make friends and every city you live in has a different dynamic of how to make friends.

The thing that has worked the best for me is blogging and Twittering. Through blogging, I somehow stumbled across some of the coolest local bloggers and eventually met them in person. Same goes with Twitter. I befriended a bunch of really cool people and have since met most of them in person. Don't have a blog or Twitter account? Start one. Seriously. People will find you. The great thing about this is you learn so much about people through their blogs and Twitter that when you finally meet them in person, it's like you're already old friends. The drawback? If you live in a smaller town, you might not be surrounded by a lot of bloggers and Tweeters. If you're a blogger in your 20s, check out 20 something-bloggers and search for others in your immediate area.

I'd also recommend trying some of the websites aimed at connecting people. The best in my opinion is Meetup.com, because you can find groups that tailor to your own interests. This is key. If you don't find someone that has some similar interests as you, you may have a hard time forging a new friendship. Also find a group that appears to be very active, that way you have plenty of opportunities to participate. DON'T BE SHY. Seriously, if you want to make friends, you're going to have to put yourself out there. Don't worry, everyone else who joins a Meetup group probably feels the same way you do. I've mentioned before, I have made a few good friends this way.

Another suggestion: church group/other form of religious meetup. But I'm not churchy! you say. Nonsense. I'm not saying you have to go straight to the closest place of worship. Most people believe in something -- even if it's nothing -- and can find a group of people who feel the same way. There's probably no better way to connect with someone. Use Google to find a group near you with your beliefs.

If there's a certain kind of hangout in town that you love -- a coffee shop, a diner, a bar, whatever -- thinking about hanging out there on your own. You never know when you might strike up a conversation with a potential new friend who's also there by themselves.

I tried joining a sports league one time, which didn't really work out for me but it might work for you? I ended up on a super-competitive volleyball team of people who worked together and didn't seem that interested in making friends with the new girl who sucked at playing volleyball. Maybe try a kickball league if you can find one.

Also, volunteer. I can't guarantee you'll make friends through volunteer efforts (you might, though), but you will get the kind of fulfillment from life that you would get from a strong friendship. I spent a lot of time volunteering after I moved to Nashville and before I'd really met anyone. It felt good to help other people and it filled what would have otherwise been empty time.

Think none of these suggestions would work for you? Start your own group on Meetup.com or religious young adult group. I bet you'd be surprised how many others are out there who are looking for the same kind of friendship that you are.

One last tip from me. Be patient. Good friendships don't usually form overnight. It takes time to get to know someone to the point you might feel comfortable calling them a friend. It took me more than a year the first time I had to make new friends to really feel comfortable once again. It took me several months here in my new city to get to that place.

Anonymous, go forth and try out some of these things and then report back here. We'd love to know how it goes and what works and doesn't.

And modern friends, I ask you for your suggestions for anonymous and everyone else out there that could use some help finding new people. What has worked for you? What didn't work so well?