(I realize this is a really frickin' long post by Modern Gal post standards, but bear with me through the end, por favor)
I partially moved to my new hometown about seven months ago and officially moved here a month and a half ago to take a new and slightly more interesting job and be in the same city as the modern beau, whom I had been dating for four years, mostly long distance.
And in that time I've been relearning a hard lesson that I learned the last time I relocated to a new city: it's easy to find yourself lonely in a new place. Sure, I have the modern beau to keep me company, which he does most of the time. And the modern beau has friends, though most of them will be moving away as soon as they all graduate from law school. I have a few random friends, but no core group.
Being an independent-minded modern gal, I know deep in my heart I need some friends of my own. And since currently I have no home of my own, none of my possessions and no co-workers other than the one who is about 30 years my senior, I could really use some friends that I could possessively call my own.
My dear modern gal friend Noodles and I earlier today were lamenting over how hard it seems to be to make friends/find new social activities when you move to a new place. It was easy in college: everyone was new and looking for new friends. You had a variety of classes and clubs you attended full of bright-eyed, bushy-tailed people looking to make friends.
So where do you go when all that's over? When I first moved to Nashville a few years ago, I found myself sitting at home alone A LOT. I'm an only child, so I like alone, but not all the time. I would venture out to a mall on a Friday night by myself, hoping it would satisfy the social need. It never did. I started attended a poorly organized church young adult group, but it soon folded for lack of members. I joined a volunteer organization and at least got out of the house more often (and helped people out, bonus), but didn't really make any friends.
It took me about a year and a half to really find friends that felt like good friends. Most of them I met through connections to the modern beau, because he seems to know tons of people wherever he goes. A few others I picked up randomly along the way. But that year and a half was a really tough and somewhat empty time.
So how do you speed that process up? My guess has always been to join some sort of group, even though I always have an initial fear of attending some sort of group meeting for the first time by myself when other people know each other already. I tried meetup.com in Nashville, but the group I joined was all talk, it never actually met up.
Today, for shits and giggles, I perused the community section at craigslist.com. Behold some of my findings:
- Ufo & Lunar Structure Lecture (ummm, not really an interest of mine)
- Proverbs 31/Titus 2 Women's Group (even after looking up these passages, I still don't know what this is, but I'm guessing it's not for me)
- Meet other sober people and make a new friend in our group! (anti what I'm looking for)
- You Deserve A Girls Night Out !!!!! YES YOU!!! (they were just offering to throw me a sex toy party. I need friends before I do that)
- Come Join our Gangsta Rap Music Dating Group (intriguing, however I'm not on the market)
- Did your ex break your heart? (my ex may have but the current beau is not currently breaking my heart)
- Meet other sober people and make a new friend in our group! (anti what I'm looking for)
- You Deserve A Girls Night Out !!!!! YES YOU!!! (they were just offering to throw me a sex toy party. I need friends before I do that)
- Come Join our Gangsta Rap Music Dating Group (intriguing, however I'm not on the market)
- Did your ex break your heart? (my ex may have but the current beau is not currently breaking my heart)
- Free beekeeping short course! (well, you get the idea)
After going belly-up on the groups listings, I moseyed on over to the personals section, mostly for my own amusement since they're usually pretty freakin' funny. Then I noticed the "strictly platonic" section and thought, well, we'll see what it's got under w4w.
I found this:
I moved to Knoxville 6 months ago to be closer to my boyfriend of 3 years, but I am use to having a stong circle of girlfriends. I'm looking for a female/ group of females that enjoy the outdoors, reading, wine, or just talking. I'm very friendly but unfortunatly also very shy.
Ok, that pretty much describes me, minus maybe the very shy part and the improper tense of 'use', and she's only a year younger than me. But I would never respond to a craigslist personal ad. Would I?
So after that laboriously long post, I'm putting multiple questions to my online circle of modern friends:
1. How do you meet new people when you move to a new place?
2. Would you respond to that craigslist ad?
Discuss.
12 comments:
Well, you've read my recent post concerning Craigslist, so you know how I feel, but that one gives pause. I does sound worth checking out in a very public place kinda way. Maybe in a coffee shop with Modern Beau in the background quietly perusing a newspaper or something.
I have moved to 3 new cities and had to establish a core group of friends. Its no easy task, don't kid yourself. Things I have tried, meetup.com. Not all meetups happen so don't be afraid to check out more than one group. Quirkyalone.net. Granted this one has a larger following on the coasts, but may be worth starting your own group/event. Another avenue is to take a class in something that interests you, creative writing, cooking, etc. I wish I lived closer, we could meet for coffee or something!
Oh, I went through this a few years ago. Making friends after college is so hard -- you're right!
And then I made friends only to have them move away for grad school, etc., which was so sad!
But I made friends though taking writing classes and my writing group, getting to know the wives of my husband's friends, etc. I also keep in very close touch with my friends who don't live in the area and that helps so much. It's not the same as going for coffee or hanging out, but knowing you always have someone to call when something amazing or horrible or even just blah happens makes everything easier.
I would totally take the beekeeping class. I really want to start keeping bees, but I don't know what the heck I'm doing.
A lot of towns have "young professionals" groups where 20-somethings get together maybe once a month at restaurants and bars for happy hours. Or you could try joining sports leagues at the YMCA or local Parks & Rec. Or take classes at a college, maybe culinary classes or a foreign language.
I'd meet up with the Craigslist girl. At the very least, even if it doesn't work out, it'll be an interesting experience.
"At the very least, even if it doesn't work out, it'll be an interesting experience."
And fodder for a blogpost.
I say shoot the chick a note. Meeting girl friends is a lot like dating. And sometimes even harder! So, son't close the door before there's something to close -- maybe a bit of e-mail exchange will hope you get to know her a bit. Then, maybe you can have a girl date.
As for the rest of the post, I'm so glad you decided to write about this topic. I feel like I keep making efforts -- and I do meet people, but no one who really sticks. I'll take classes and we'll go for a beer. Once. Swap numbers. But nothing comes of it. And it gets really frustrating.
Still, now that it's thawing out, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for cool people at the dog park. Because, people with dogs tend to rock my world.
I'm loving the responses here, btw.
I just moved up here over 2 years ago, and I went through the same thing! My co-workers are all a lot older than me, and there aren't enough of them to create a new social circle. At first I thought I'd meet a lot of people through my blog, but it turns out that I just met out of towners. So, what I did was I joined kickball. I have little to no athletic talent, but that's perfect since the group is mostly social, anyway. It was one of the best decisions I made, even though I eventually ended up breaking my ankle, and I'm sitting out this spring season. At the very least, it gave me a lot to blog about.
I've also met people through joining the swim team, but they are also much older, and I haven't gotten to know them as well, since it's hard to talk when you're underwater. I wish you luck with your friend search, it is not easy at all!
I'm never very good at making new friends after a move. The most luck I had was when I was on Myspace or used LiveJournal.
I tried the Craigslist thing after I moved back to Chicago. I replied to a woman looking for some more girl friends. She never responded. I gave up after that :(
But I've found now that through blogging I'm developing a pretty good sized group of friends. There's a lot of Chicago bloggers around me. I got lucky!
"I'm loving the responses here, btw."
Me too, Noodles. This is why I heart blogging so much.
Noelle, you may be on to something. I'm hunting down a kickball league as we speak.
I'm totally in your shoes right now! It sucks not having any good friends to hang out with here in T-town. I was spoiled at the TFP where it happened so easily. I'm going to try and join a rec tennis team here to meet some new people.
Long-lost Angie! I miss you.
We all were totally spoiled at the TFP. It was like college 2.0. I hated the job, but I never realized how awesome my social life was there until I didn't have a social life.
Hey, who are the other MG's in Chicago?? Perhaps we could raise a steaming tea or an adult beverage in honor of those of us who still don't have friends while toasting the fabulous, original Modern Gal.
Sorry for delayed comments: just found out about the Modern Gal today (still loc that green paisley!)
I've felt the exact same thing you describe here - and I've been in this town for much longer! I hope it gets easier one day.
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