Last night the Modern Love Machine picked me up for us to head to a local track to run and noticed one of my car's tires was flat. That nail was the straw that almost broke the camel's back.
I've been super stressed out lately, and in a way that's completely of my own doing. I'm in my slow period at work, where my work pace slows down to about 0.1 mile per hour after being 1,000 miles an hour for about nine months straight. I have a lot more free time in which to let my mind wander. And when it wanders, it stresses about things that would never bother me when I'm working 1,000 mph. I stress that I'm not working hard enough. I stress that I don't know what I'm doing in trying to plan a wedding. I stress that it will be months before I feel settled into my new house. I stress about the fact that I can't even move into my house the first week that it's in my possession because I have to go on a stupid work trip. I stress about gaining some of my weight back and struggling to lose it. I stress about the fact that I've been out of town for the past three weekends straight, and I've got three more weekends of being out of town before I get to see my city on a Saturday. I stress about the fact that I'm not even going to be in town for the MLM's birthday and I don't even have a birthday card for him yet.
Most of these worries are not legit at all, they're all a figment of my own brain. Still, I saw that flat tire and thought, 'When the F am I going to take care of this???'
Since then I've cried a few tears, run a couple of miles, declared I was going to hire a wedding planner (which may or may not actually happen), slept, had a doughnut (yeah, that won't help the gaining weight stress) and drank some coffee.
I also got to spend five minutes seeing and talking to one of my best Knoxville friends, whom I haven't seen since before my weekends became consumed with travel. It was only five minutes, but it helped me feel so much better.
And I remembered something Noodles told me right after the MLM and I got engaged: Be in the moment, especially when it's hard to be. It's kind of a vague concept, but this is exactly what she was talking about.
So I'm taking a deep breath right now and am just being. I'm callling it mental yoga. Things will take care of themselves -- I mean with some effort on my part -- but there's nothing to worry about.
Happy Friday :)