This story may only be funny to two people who read this blog, so if those of you who don't know the Modern Dad don't think it's funny, please accept my apologies. I often lose perspective of how (un)weird or (un)funny my family is to the outside world.
The other night I was lounging on the couch taking in a Turner Classic Movie screening of one of my favorites, The Philadelphia Story, starring Modern Gal Hall of Famer Katharine Hepburn, when my phone rang. Caller ID said it was the Modern Dad calling. I'd been avoiding talking to him on the phone for a day or two because I knew he and some other family members had participated in a trivia contest over the weekend, and when the MD does a trivia contest (which is fairly often given my family's pursuit of trivial things), I usually have the pleasure of getting a blow-by-blow recap on the phone the next day. Also, there are no short phone conversations with the MD.
But, because it was 10:30 p.m. -- rather late for a chatty call from him -- and because I have an uncle in waning health, I figured I'd better answer.*
MD: Your mom told me you were avoiding me because you didn't want to hear all the trivia questions from the other night. I'd hate to burden you with the questions, so don't worry, you won't hear a single one.
Curses. Foiled by the Modern Mom.
MG: I wouldn't dare avoid you or your trivia questions, Dad.
MD: Well, I was just calling just to tell you we didn't do nearly as good in this contest because we we didn't have as many people as the other teams. Also, no sports category. Can you believe that?
MG: No sports? Bummer. I guess Uncle T pulled some dead weight. And not playing at full capacity? I'm sorry I missed out.
MD: So what are you doing?
MG: I'm watching The Philadelphia Story.
I thought that maybe because he was the one to introduce me to both classic films and my favorite queen of sass he'd take a hint and let me call him the next day.
MD: Oh yeah! There was a whole category on the Oscars. We got about seven or eight of those. We couldn't come up with the youngest Best Actor award winner. I knew it was the guy who ran up on stage and kissed Halle Berry.
MG: Adrien Brody. The Pianist.
MD: Right! I kept giving everyone hints, but no one got it. We got the oldest Best Actor. Do you know that one?
MG: I'm guessing Henry Fonda 'cause he was pretty dang old when he won for On Golden Pond.
MD: That's right. We also couldn't get the most recent musical to win Best Picture.
MG: Well let's ...
MD: It was Chicago.
MG: Well now you didn't even give me time to think.
MD: So do you know this gal Katharine McPhee?
MG: Um, well I don't know her know her, but I think she was on American Idol a few years back?
MD: Well she's my new love. I was watching the latest Boston Pops special. Chris Botti was playing, you know how much I love his stuff, and he just had all these people join him, like Yo-Yo Ma and Sting and Steven Tyler and then Katharine McPhee came out and sang "I've Got You Under My Skin," and you know how much I love that song. And she had this little short black dress on. She's my new girlfriend.
MG: I'll be sure to tell Mom.
*Conversation abridged to save time for us all
This apparently was the performance that captured the MD's heart: