I'm having a hard time grasping that it's only been about a week since that happened. I feel like I've aged about 10 years emotionally since then. I've gone through it all only to go through it all again -- confusion, sadness, anger, acceptance, frustration, etc. It scares me to wonder how long the feelings will be so intense.
I did a pretty good job of distracting myself last week. I went out more times than I probably have in a one-week span in a loooong time. As long as I've been with people my spirits have been mostly up, although being with people tends to wear the introvert in me out pretty quickly. I had what I think I can bill as the perfect weekend with my BFF and her hubby in South Carolina. It was therapeutic to talk to her hubby -- he knows both myself and the Modern Ex (I'm thinking it's going to be MEx for short) really well, so he has a better understanding of our relationship than most people. We sort of analyzed and broke things down and as it turns out, he and I had come to many of the same conclusions of why things happened the way they did. That was comforting for some reason, much more so than just hearing more of the "you're too good for him anyway" kind of lines. The rest of the weekend was spent lounging, eating (so much for that last bit of weight loss), seeing some other friends and just being. It was perfect.
So I'm back at home and really ready to get my life back in order. That's not to say I'm better necessarily. There are still things about the whole situation that absolutely drive me crazy -- the kind of stuff that can torture you about a failed relationship forever. But for the times that I'm alone I'm trying to fill my brain with other stuff so as not to let those things torture me into having a breakdown. Stuff that's fun to think about.
I got lots of suggestions for The MG's Modern Breakup CD -- thanks for all the great suggestions. I'm going to start downloading and sorting through those soon. I can't wait to see how it turns out.
I've been thinking about all the hobbies and things that I'm really going to dive back into now that I have a bit more time on my hands. Originally I had planned for 2009 to be the year of saving lots of money. Now it's the year of travel. Traveling is my favorite hobby, second only to writing. I didn't do nearly as much of it last year as I usually do, save my big D.C. road trip. I've already got tentative plans to visit Atlanta, Nashville and Snowshoe, W.V., as part of the Modern Breakup Recovery Tour '09 (working on the T-shirt). My Summer Tour '09 likely will include stops in San Francisco, Chicago and Milwaukee. Who knows where else I'll show up? I just need to figure out how to pay for it all.
I'd also like to rediscover hiking, camping and backpacking. I used to do these things somewhat regularly. The MEx and I talked about doing them more but never acted on it. Well guess what? Now I've got plenty of time to do it and a beautiful national park hardly and hour away from me. I'm also a bit more in shape these days.
I'm also ready to start tackling the Netflix queue once again. And my pile of books. I'm probably also going to have to make cooking a hobby. With the MEx around, I never had to make cooking a priority -- it was his hobby. But left up to me, I'd probably eat cereal and soup every day of the week. I probably need to branch out a bit.
There's also the whole dating thing. No, I'm not making plans to start dating right now, but that time will inevitably come. The thought of dating again scares the bejeebus out of me -- it's been the better part of a decade since I've gone out on a first date. So right now I'm just trying to get used to the idea of dating and trying to figure out how one meets potential dates. I guess the good news is it could produce plenty of blogging fodder.
So here's to calling a mulligan on the new year. I'm starting over in so many different ways, that it only seems right to start the new year over too. Anyone got a bottle of champagne?