Confessions of an ex-sorority gal

Modern Friends, I have a confession to make which I've never shared with you before: The Modern Gal was in a sorority in college.

I know, gasp, a number of you are going to disown me now, right? Let me clarify by saying I was not a sorority gal. While I did buy make a number of really good friends with the smart, ambitious, non-MRS degree track sisters, I was never among the super-active members and didn't fit in with the hard-core sorority gals. Frat parties weren't my scene and neither was the drama that went along with it. I always felt socially inferior to most of the gals. Why did I stick with it? For the aforementioned friends and because our intramural football and softball teams were among the best in the school league.

Why do I bring this up now? Because I'm headed to my first holiday party of the season tomorrow night, that of the sorority's local alumni chapter. I really never intended on getting involved with the group, but I regularly cross paths with the group's president who was (kinda) one of the aforementioned friends. She invited me, and I didn't want to say no to her because she's really nice.

And that, my friends, is a huge example of how much I've changed in the past four years or so.

I am a dedicated introvert. You won't find me listed in the dictionary with the definition because I often do a good job of masquerading as a social butterfly. But really, socializing outside my comfort zone makes me supremely nervous. Not clinically anxious, but close enough. I don't know why, although I'm sure it has something to do with insecurity about being the awkward gal and absolutely hating the small talk that goes with first meeting someone. Please, please, please don't ask me about my job.

Had this been the Christmas right after I graduated from college, I would have politely declined and run the other way from a party where none of my close friends would be available for me to cling to. I didn't need to go outside my comfort zone because I had enough friends.

Then, I moved to Nashville and I had no friends. I tried a few things in hopes of making friends without having to completely confront my social anxiety -- church group, weird online forums. I made one friend (hi, KG!), but in retrospect I probably took the most anxiety-inducing route. I ended up making a few more friends with some people the Modern Beau knew which was perfectly inside my comfort zone.

Then, I moved to Knoxville and I had only a few friends and The MB. A funny thing happened though. The social anxiety dissipated. I don't know if it was all those dress rehearsals from Nashville that made me less scared. Or maybe having to make cold calls at work from time to time in the past few years. Or maybe the blog/Twitter have helped me come out of my shell. But it's mostly better now, with only an occasional flare up.

Still, I can't help but think when I go to the Christmas party tomorrow night, will I be stepping into a lion's den of anxiety? Back with the types of gals who could easily make me feel insecure about my looks or social life? Or surrounded by a bunch of gals whom I might not even know? We'll see just how far I've come.