The key to being a grownup

From Modern Allie at Allie's Answers:

Since I write about green stuff all the time over at Allie's Answers, I figured I'd go in a different direction and write a personal post.

Last week, while walking my dog, I was mistaken for a high school student by neighbor. I'm at an age where I find getting carded flattering (and not getting carded disconcerting), but I didn't appreciate this woman thinking I was half my age (granted, I was wearing a 20 year old paint splattered summer camp t-shirt, had my hair in stubby pigtails, and probably looked utterly ridiculous, but still!). I was surprised by how much it bothered me. It called out something I've been tossing around in my head for awhile -- I'm thirty-one years old, and I'm still wondering when I'm going to feel like a grown up.

I'm not an irresponsible person. I pay my bills. I vote. I work hard. I meet deadlines. I eat balanced meals (most of the time). I don't live like a child, but I don't feel like an adult.

When we bought our house, I thought, 'Okay, this is it. I have a mortgage. I have a garage and a tool shed and I now know that escrow isn't something you put in salads.' I waited for that feeling of adulthood it to kick in, like some magic moment where the sun streams through the clouds and illuminates everything. Didn't happen.

We got married four years ago. People call me Mrs. I have in-laws. I'm an aunt. I worry about things like life insurance and my cholesterol levels. But I still feel like other people - adults - just magically know more about everything than I do. I still feel like a kid playing dress up in a grown up's life.

I like to watch TV while I'm eating. I put my feet on the furniture. I wear 20 year old summer camp t-shirts. I have a potty mouth, and the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy. I gag at the very idea of eating asparagus. Sometimes, my husband and I drink chocolate milk out of wine glasses. And honestly, I don't want any of that to change (except for the gagging part).

My friends who are parents say that when you have kids, that's when you really start to feel like a grown up - that's the magic moment that shifts you into adult mode. But what if it doesn't? I know it's ridiculous, because the clock is obviously ticking, but I don't feel like I'm old enough to have kids yet.

I don't remember anyone's parents drinking chocolate milk when I was a kid. Kids are supposed to eat dinner at the table and keep their feet off the furniture, but how can you make them when you don't want to. You can't laugh when your child's teacher calls home to say little Jimmy dropped the f-bomb when he broke his pencil in math class. You're supposed to make sure you don't accidentally teach little Jimmy the f-bomb to begin with. Marriage and homeownership didn't magically make me feel like a grown up. I don't know that it's a safe bet to think kids will, because while I'm bitching that my neighbor thought I was a 15 year old kid, I kind of still feel like one.

What about you? Do you feel like a full-blown card-carrying adult yet? Is there something about our culture that doesn't empower us enough, or keeps us in suspended adolescence, or is it just me?